The Brave Art of Motherhood by Rachel Marie Martin

Author:Rachel Marie Martin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: The Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2018-10-08T16:00:00+00:00

THE EXCUSE OF EMOTIONAL BONDS

I hate to admit that I’ve held grudges, but I have. And they are crippling. Holding a grudge against someone you live near means worrying about seeing him or her at the grocery store, avoiding certain restaurants, choosing not to attend meetings, staying inside when you know the person is driving by. It can be an excuse not to get that job, volunteer, or help because the grudge is thicker than the freedom. Do you have that person? That person who when you find out he or she is coming, you decide to not go? That’s the limiting weight of emotional baggage—it is an excuse to not do something based on a noncognitive response.

Holding a grudge also means limiting opportunities based on some circumstance that happened in the past. I have known families in which the siblings didn’t talk to each other for forty years because of one incident in the past. And then instead of harnessing positive energy and good memories of the life before the event, all they do is cling to the grudge, to the perceived power in clinging on to something that should be let go of. They don’t allow themselves a future with healing, just pain from a moment.

Holding grudges is like living in a dungeon without doors. Keeping the pain hostage while waiting for the person to show signs of remorse and guilt doesn’t serve anyone—especially yourself. Maybe you want to volunteer at school but stubbornly hold a grudge against the PTA president, so instead of giving time you stay home out of spite.

What is a grudge keeping you from experiencing?

No one binds you to a grudge except you. You can’t expect progress if you’re unwilling to budge.

Emotional baggage does nothing but tear at your heart. It eats up precious moments, and it stops you from pursuing things that could positively bring you joy. And although the distance of time only makes it harder to forgive and move on, it is forgiveness that opens the door. Forgiveness doesn’t just benefit the other person; it also frees your spirit.

Don’t wait for an apology. You owe it to yourself to let go before the grudge turns into bitterness.

Emotional baggage isn’t limited to just grudges either. We can have such strong emotional bonds to things that we can never let go. Staying in a 2,200-square-foot house because you need the storage for 124 boxes of stuff you can’t live without means you can’t quit your job and take a lower-paying one, because then you wouldn’t be able to make the mortgage payment. It also means that to live in that downtown loft you just adore, you’d have to work more to pay for the storage unit.

Several years ago on my blog, I started a tidying challenge inspired by Marie Kondo’s book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Kondo challenges us to go through every single item and ask if each one sparks joy in our lives.5 As I began to let go

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